Change Your 'Self-Love' Techniques If You Find Yourself Un-Loving Others (Cont.)

Part 2 (CONT.):

After a recent turn of events, Joan has tossed back the social media habits that were especially affecting her mentally and emotionally. To follow her newly acquired lifestyle with an undeviating approach, she joined dance classes. In part, she has been initiated into the solemnity of true self-love, where she refrains from the urge to exhibit her life moment to moment to her social media friends and followers. However, when she sees friends, cousins, and other people in her vicinity receiving the kind of attention she once used to, a part of her goes vacant. It is not rare that she holds herself back when a thought to post her new dance lesson itches in her veins. She does want to make known the inclination she and her life have taken to, but if she does that by any means, the purpose of resorting to a life of minimal outward display would vaporize.

One thing of many that Joan has learned in her dance classes is to find the right platform for self-expression. It is not about how good or bad the performance is, the idea is to express the "self". It won't be wrong to mention that the right platform in Joan's eyes has so far been the social media, where she did give an impressive performance but not an expressive one. So, one day, Joan sits on her bean bag to think about her "right platform". Her heart is confused and she feels anxious, but somehow, she manages to relax down her mind a bit. She is holding a pen and a paper, which she tore out from her personal diary that had been untouched ever since she befriended the social media. She starts to contemplate how she could add some meaning in her ways of living. As she pens down her childhood dreams, talents, capabilities, personal interests, and everything that had actually shaped her, she smiles through the tears of repentance running in rivulets down her cheeks. "Life comes sober, perhaps we complicate it with our expectations", she muses.

As soon as Joan's thoughts curve towards an intense side, they start to ponder over how her past and present combined can shape her future. All the possibilities she could reckon are on the paper and all she perceives is a future of events that does not gladden her. She is struck by a realization that all this while, she had only gained unworthy attention through social media. She wishes to turn the clock back, spend more time in her own space, and be able to analyze who she could become on the basis of who she actually is, what she actually enjoys, and what could bring her a worthy recognition, not confined to social media. Helplessness, uneasiness, insecurity, anxiety, Joan was soon caught up by these feelings and she dreaded her future. The emotional state that she was presently in triggered rage in her, making her very uncomfortable and angry at herself. All she saw was red. What should she do?

Pic Source: https://tinyurl.com/yekszmv8

Imagine a glass containing contaminated water. Mud, twigs, pollutants, bacteria, toxins, etc., had all contaminated the water. To get rid of the filth, you may throw the entire quantity but then you would have no water left. So, what you do instead is filter your water. You get the liquid rid of whatever contaminates it because when impurities will be gone, water will come back to its natural state and become fit for drinking. 

Now replace water with feelings, contaminants with negative emotions, and glass with yourself.

We are all born with feelings, which we contaminate through the consequences of our bad experiences. But the right thing to do is not stop exposing ourselves to unforeseen experiences or its consequences. The right step is to take it all up and conduct some cleansing sessions on a regular basis to get rid of the impurities that we have, unwillingly, absorbed. This way, no matter what we experience or gain from life, we shall always remain in our most natural and useful state, and be fit mentally, physically and emotionally.

But how do we remove the impurities in our feelings or thoughts? In case of emotional anger, the more often we express, the more confidence we gain in expressing it. The next time and times thereupon, we are going to repeat the expression. In addition to stirring negativity in the surroundings, this may influence a lot of people around and teach them dealing with anger the same, wrong way.

The next thing we can do is control ourselves. Joan in the above instance tries to control her mind. However, her heart and soul are still not in a state of peace. Our heart needs to be equally in control as the mind, so that our soul is calm. If the balance is not maintained and we keep on gulping down our anger, it will form into a heap inside us, ready to explode one day, when enough of it has been stored in.

So shall we dispose of our emotional anger? More often than not, when we decide to dispose of anger and do not find the right opportunity to do that, we start yelling at people who love us the most. The psychology behind this kind of behavior finds its basis on the trust that we have built up on our well-wishers. We know few minutes of pouring out rage on them would not affect our relationship. Well, until when?

Ignoring is another option but I personally find it a bad filtering idea. Remember any time when you tried to ignore an old classmate on road and they turned around to call out your name and say a "Hi". I feel when we try to disregard a feeling, any of it, it is likely to come back to us, perhaps singing, "you can run, you can hide but you can't escape my love".

While you got engrossed in reading the right way to filter out impure feelings, Joan had already discovered a solution. She was sitting with her mother, discussing her situation. She hasn't find her answers, but the fact that she has somebody to share her feelings to is enough. Along with her mother's hug, the brownie she got from one of her friends that evening became the solution of her emotional anger.

Understand, neither the solution is to yell nor it is to mum. When you go through such situations, talk to somebody who will not just react, comment and forget. Find those people in your life who empower you. Learn from their ways and be somebody who empowers others. This way, we can maintain peace within ourselves while also spreading it outside.