PART 1:
Joan
calls up her gang of friends, including the ones she had not been in touch with
for months, to plan a union and even before their consent or denial, she has
already started to visualize her OOTD pictures and the tailing social media
posts, captions, hashtags, and other similar self-directed assignments. Five of
the twelve people she had gotten in touch with blew off her gesture towards
re-connecting and she is disappointed. Nevertheless, she gulps it well down her
throat because those group pictures in her imagination have to have her
exhilarated toothy smile and for no cost can she feel low at this point. Now
she is out with her chums donning her best-ever Forever 21 pride, which, out of
self-love, she had recently bought for herself. As they all settle themselves
at the coffee table of a newly-opened café in town, the riveting mission of
attending to the social media delights Joan more than the new job a friend on
her left has is talking about. As soon as the day comes to an end, Joan sets
her way back home and immediately starts to upload the picture of the day,
thanking people in her caption to have found time for her. Another riveting
mission now has her occupancy and she is consistently checking for reactions on
her posts from who she considers as social media marshals. Few people she was
expecting of seeing and reacting to her feeds have not done that yet and the
rushing ferocity in her is so unbridled. Well, it was a heck of a day for Joan.
While it started to make her feel better about herself and her life, it wasn't
any better after the disgrace she feels now. Poor Joan, little did she know how
her understanding of self-love was leading her to un-love people.
Kevin
Gilliland, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist and executive director of
Innovation360, perfectly observes the partially positive impact one is posed to
through reactions and comments from social media, as, in an interview to
POPSUGAR, he had said, "Likes and
shares can make us feel high, and we can begin to rely on that activity to give
us the boost we may believe we need to feel good, but then, over time, we start
letting it define us. The validation we get from social media is only a
temporary feeling of having had real connection with someone, but then we're
just living in the shadow of the real thing".
(https://www.popsugar.com/fitness/Q-Gen-Z-Social-Media-Mental-Health-46077919).
As I tried to discover an association between the urge for social media
presence and attention, and self-love, I could very well infer how the former
tends to contaminate the latter.
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| Pic Source: https://tinyurl.com/yf3d5of2 |
Let
us remove events from the closely fictitious scenario above layer by layer in
the reverse-chronological order. Let's just say that Joan did make the posts
but after a tiring day, she decided to engross herself in some good reading,
unconcerned about who does or does not react to her updates. This is where at
least social anxiety seems to have swept off, quite to a large extent. She does
not need any validation on how her life is going about from anyone and with no
such expectations, her senses definitely do not lean her towards hatred for
people.
However,
Joan is still a person of rapturous social media presence, who wants the world
(what to her are the 1.6k friends and followers she has) to know how lively her
life is. From pictures of the new café to which dessert she had with her
friends to the group picture, she had it in her to put it all up on her social
media profiles. She may not show it but deep inside, she does seek and love to
receive attention. In addition, she is not a person of the moment as she puts a
deaf ear to what people around her are discussing about. Even if she was
genuinely grateful with her thank-you posts, her behavior at the café was that
of an impolite and unwelcoming person. That is not what self-love is. It would
never teach you to not enjoy the moment you are in or to be ignorant of people
around you. What made it worse was that Joan missed an opportunity to hear
about the high-key perks of her friend's new job, merely because she was
engrossed in feigning a glee on social media.
Okay.
Maybe Joan had read Leo Tolstoy's "The Three Questions" and had not
made that many posts while attending her friends (another layer removed). But
why was she was disappointed on the five people for not joining in? Perhaps,
she expects a lot from people and needs to understand that even if somebody was
not available to entertain her plans that day, it does not mean that person
would never be there for her. Well, honestly, even if nobody shows up the next
time either, Joan's self-love should hold her strong and not let any sort of
negative vibes touch her. It indeed was an optimistic step of her as she puts
on a smile for the day ahead, but the fact that it was all for her social media
thoughts nulls her efforts at being strong and happy. She should have instead
found happiness in reasons like she, first, has taken up a path of sanctity as
she intends on attaining self-love, and second, if not those five, there are
seven other people to help her walk through it.
Now
it's time to remove the very last layer. Joan had created a plan with friends.
There, as I can think of, can be two mindsets behind her initiative. Maybe, it
was genuine of her to want to see her friends and old pals. That is an
optimistic approach. But if she had thought a group picture would appear
impressive as a recent post, and she could make jealous some people she
probably had in her mind, it is definite that she takes people in her life for
granted. Maybe all she had in her mind was to show others that, "Hey, look
here, my life is so perfect. I have got Forever 21, old friends, a new café to
hang out at and blah!". That is not the way one self-loves. It is a
selfless practise and one has to be self-sufficient in every way to achieve the
purest form of self-love.
In
my most honest observations, in the course of becoming our better selves by
loving ourselves, we all do look forward to getting approval on our acts from
the masses. If you are one of a kind in slightest of the ways, you belong to mankind. So, do not worry. But remember, the idea of self-love is being
able to enjoy real moments with real people of your life and feel real
emotions. It is all about how your conscience reacts on your daily acts of
life and not people. Ensure that with every step you take, you are not gaining
formless pleasures but dignified achievements like the powers of positivity. Do
more things that make you feel that way. As for Joan, my imaginary development,
she is now taking dance classes. And only her few best friends from school and
those across her apartment know about it. The classes are not only helping her distract
but, with their oh-so musical vibes, they are also turning her into a relaxed,
unworldly person, and a better dancer too.
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